Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
