Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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