i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
a search helicopter?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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