Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
