how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
