Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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