i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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