After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm really busy with my period
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