if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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