Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
