she kept yelling 'call me bella'
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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