giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
