Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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