well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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