he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
