All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
