Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
