So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize