did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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