did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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