You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
