marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
