if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
