I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
