I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
