My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
