Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
