Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
