i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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