I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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