I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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