Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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