she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
