I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
