Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
so much tequila, so little girl.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
