"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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