At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
