Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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