Got a toothbrush?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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