oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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