I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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