a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
