capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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