So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
