I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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