My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
