We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
