hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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