Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
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I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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