i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
