Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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