yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
