friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
