Moan for me like Helen Keller
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
