I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
