U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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