Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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