why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
