I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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