He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
