I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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