Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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