Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
