okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
