Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
