i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
