Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
